


481. dreams

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [100]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: "I love you," Sarah says.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So the explanation behind this prompt choice is that I had a weird feverdream last night which contained the first three paragraphs of this drabble. So I'm using the prompt "dreams," but in reality this was written for the prompt in my dream: _187\. the first time._

i.

“Come on, Helena,” Sarah says as she clings tight to her sister’s hand. Helena is making a horrible sound, like a malfunctioning machine, and her legs are spread and she is pushing, pushing. The doctors don’t see a head between her legs yet, but they keep telling Helena that it’s coming soon if she just keeps _trying_.

“Come on,” Sarah says, clinging tight, shoving a sweaty hank of hair out of Helena’s face, “come on, _sestra_ , push, I know you can, you’re stronger than anybody.”

“Sarah,” Helena says – “says” is the wrong word, maybe. Grunts. Screams.

“You got this,” Sarah says, “you’re doing so great, I love you, you’re gonna make it through this.”

“I see a head!” says the doctor. Helena’s hand tightens around Sarah’s, so tight their skin goes white.

ii.

“Helena, _please_ ,” Sarah says, stepping between Helena and Rachel. Helena is holding the gun and her hand isn’t shaking. Rachel is shaking all over. They have been here before; it’s tiring, it’s so tiring, Sarah stepping in between the girl and the gun. She wishes one of them would change – wishes Rachel would stop finding things to hold over Sarah’s head, wishes she would stop looking up to see them there. Wishes Helena would put down the gun, once, maybe.

“No,” Helena says. “She’s going to hurt us forever. It’s better if I – stop it. Now.”

“You’re better than this,” Sarah pleads, stepping forward, hand out. If she can just reach the gun – but Helena twitches it, just a little, and Sarah stops. “You’re so much better now, yeah? Helena, you’re my sister. I _love_ you, I know you’re not a killer anymore.”

She could have just stopped with the _I love you_ , probably, because Helena’s hand jerks once on the gun like it hurts her. She doesn’t lower the gun, though.

“You said you did not want to use me, before,” she says sadly, “but you lied. Now you say _I love you_ but you lie again also.”

“I’m not lying,” Sarah says desperately. She doesn’t know if that’s true.

iii.

“You are all I have now,” Helena says. “I love you.” Her arms are tight around Sarah. She’s so warm. Sarah stares up at the ceiling so she doesn’t have to watch her own arms wrapping tight around Helena.

“I love you too,” she whispers, so quiet she hopes Helena doesn’t hear it. But she probably does. Sarah doesn’t know whether or not to be glad.

iv.

The credits roll on movie night, and Sarah watches them drowsily with her head knocked against Helena’s head and Helena’s head on her shoulder. Helena’s breathing is deep and easy to breathe along to, like sitting by the sea. She is Sarah’s sister. She is Sarah’s sister and it feels so _right_ that she’s here, tucked up against Sarah, setting her a rhythm to breathe to.

“I love you,” Sarah says quietly. “You know that, right?”

Helena doesn’t answer, just burrows even closer against Sarah. “I love _you_ ,” she says. “Very much.”

“We’re in agreement, then,” Sarah says, overly-serious. Helena lets out a little snorting giggle into her shoulder.

“Yes,” she says. “Yes.”

v.

“I love you,” Sarah tells her, but it’s too late.

vi.

Helena has the knife – Sarah doesn’t know when, but she got the knife and she has the knife and Sarah is scrabbling backwards across the floor but it isn’t _stopping_ her. Helena marches relentless, like a wind-up toy. Helena’s eyes are empty, like.

“You can’t kill me, remember?” Sarah says desperately, crawling crawling crawling backwards across the floor. “We have a connection. We’re gonna be a family.”

Helena doesn’t say anything. Sarah’s back hits a wall. She splays her hands in front of her, like a peace treaty Helena doesn’t want to sign.

“Please,” she says. “You’re – you’re my family. I love you, Helena, you know that? I kept trying to kill you but I couldn’t, because I can’t stop myself from loving you. Helena _please_. I know you feel it too. I know – I know you care.”

Helena doesn’t answer. In her hand: the knife.

vii.

The phone rings and rings and rings but eventually picks up. Sarah can barely hear the other side of the phone – between the roar of the helicopter and the rush of the sea underneath her and the static on the line, she can barely hear it at all.

But Helena’s voice is so clear.

“ _Sestra_ ,” she says. “Did you find Cosima? Are you coming home?”

“I’m on a helicopter right now,” Sarah says. “I’m okay.” She laughs, a little, because she can’t quite believe it. “I’m fine.”

“Good,” Helena says. “I am glad. You can see my home now. You will like the bones, I think.”

“Can’t wait,” Sarah says, and the good thing is that she mostly means it. She pauses. “Helena?”

“Yes, _sestra_?”

“Love you.”

The line is silent. Sarah keeps talking, words stumbling out of her mouth. “There was – some shit, with Rachel, and I was there alone in the dark and all I could think was that I never told you. I always – I always did. But I never said it.”

Helena still doesn’t say anything. There’s some crackling on the other end of the line that could be sniffling, but then again it could just be static.

“I love you,” Helena says, “also. Come home safe.”

“I will,” Sarah says. She watches the sea rush by underneath her, watches the way it brings her closer and closer to home.

viii.

Helena’s weight is heavy, wrapped around her, heavy enough to drown her. Sarah’s wrists ache in her zip ties and her ear is bleeding and she can’t stop hiccupping sobs into Helena’s hair.

“I love you,” she says, voice a wavering gibbering sob, “I love you, I love you, I – you came _back_ , Helena, god I love you, I’m so sorry—”

“Shh, _sestra_ ,” Helena says. “I know.”

ix.

 _Bang_ goes the gun and the man crumples to the ground and Helena is there, easily, like she would have been there the whole time if Sarah had just known how to call her.

“God, I love you,” Sarah says fervently, standing up on shaky legs. “You saved my life, you know that?”

Helena blinks at her owlishly, something surprised in her gaze. Then she blinks a few more times and holsters the gun. “I am used to it,” she says, a sly grin wriggling across her mouth, and before Sarah can argue she’s already headed back out the door.

x.

“I love you,” Sarah says, and it’s easy. She hadn’t known it would be this easy.

Only she thinks she did know. She thinks maybe she knew the whole time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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